Little dark corner of my heart doesn’t know How to love what should be loved. Is it strange or is it okay for me to be like that. I can only think and imagine, sometimes I like drinking alone, somedays I feel lonely in crowd. It’s beautiful some nights and some nights I remember all my bad days. They always stay at back of your memory, but why is what I wonder always. I don’t know what to feel for more, happiness or sadness. I get drunk on a thought of a woman or art, I hardly can differ. It’s beautiful on the window of my heart and I stay still in silence with music in my heart, reading poetry to my moment which someday will become memory or empty just like me. I wish someday words come out in a form of a shadow, shadow of someone who can sit with me and not care of the wind around. Sit with me and get drunk without a question in heart. I don’t know how far that day is, I don’t know how far from that day I am. All I wish it to know is, if that day will ever come, but who is there to tell other than the glass in my hand which is as drunk as I am. Beautiful inside and beautiful outside, I wisely look at the shade, tho a little dumb in my heart may be that is how it is always suppose to be. What is the point of being strong with emotions or feelings anyhow, being free with everything, everything that loves you, that hurts you, that defines you, that makes you, you. Be free with it. ” fuck ” she once said when I was too drunk, she stood in light of dim shadow and I was there, my heart was screaming loud but all she could hear was me being angry, how can a person feel the depth of you ? I don’t know and I think I never will. Nights when I have been drowning, nights when I have been sitting in the corner of a bloated room with people around or no one in horizon I have felt happy and lonely. That’s me, the expression of my life, living, loving and loathing the beauty of life in a shadow, with a shadow which just belongs to me. Caged in a life or time, or time which has caged my life, it’s always in circles and I love being blind when I walk in that circle. Never heard a cry of me in those memories just thoughts which have been numb for too long, I hope I don’t forget my self, I hope I don’t stop writing to my self, I hope I don’t stop writing at all. It’s crazy, outside, inside but I belong there in those words which can feel me or the words which I can feel. Don’t step in this sea with me, you and I will drown, may be with little whiskey on our breath may be little happiness in our hearts, but eventually we will drown.
Don’t believe me for the heart I have, it’s barely sober, drunk in love, music and art it always is. Hope you never find me and if you do I hope you find me in peace or in dark or in solitude so that when we meet. We can drink again, again and alone.
Cheers.
floatingepiphany 